Judith Ann Writes...

There is Joy in the Morning - A journey from grief to gladness.

My heart is changing; it doesn't hurt as much anymore.  I have been making a few observations of late, as I move through life as a widow.  First, I am discovering that after a year of mourning a loss, I am inclined to view life more as a survivor than a victim.  I have survived much, as most of us have, and am once again, coming out on the other side healthier and happier.

I am discovering that not only is love a choice, so is happiness.  I realized this when a couple times this week I found myself preparing to cry again.  Then, I stopped myself and asked, "Why? What brought this emotion on?"  It was then I learned that for me at least, sadness is a choice.  I was able to shake off the feelings that brought about that moment and move forward.  It felt good and I was okay the rest of the day.

Then, today, as I was walking in the crisp morning air I looked up and saw the familiar white tail of a deer, just disappearing into the woods.  Asa had spotted the deer too and was watching as well.  It was then I remembered last year.  I was new to the north woods of WI and I was new to the grieving process.  It seemed like every time I had a sad thought that brought me down, there was a deer up ahead, often a number of them. 


 

I began to recognize these times as blessings.  God was letting me know that He was still there, that he heard my cries and the deer were my assurance that I was not alone.  The deer appeared numerous times, daily almost, and often in numbers of 4 or 5 at a time.  When I was low, when my memories flooded and my eyes did too, there was certain to be a fresh sighting, a blessing from God.

Now, this year, the deer still appear, but I don't see them standing in a group in my back yard, or watch as 5 or 6 cross the road in front of Asa and I as we walk.  I seem to see just a glimpse of them.  I spot their tails as they disappear into the woods; just enough to know that God is still watching, still in charge and still caring for my well-being.

I noticed another thing worth mentioning.  Twice this morning on the walk, I was walking with my head down, watching the road or the ground around me.  When I would look up there were a couple deer just staring at us from a distance.  Had I not looked up I would have missed them completely.  I learned two things from this happening.  First, I have to keep my head up, my eyes focused on the One who loves me or I could miss some blessings and some comfort.  Second, God is still there, if I see Him or not.  He has been using wildlife to console and comfort me; if I see Him or not, He is here.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."  Psalm 30:5